THE ABC OF HAPPINESS : "D" IS FOR DESTINY

         My grandmother had been dead for almost 40 years now but still I could not forget the way she smiled when I asked her how she was, bedridden for two painful years then. She giggled like a sixteen year old girl when she mentioned grandfather or "Lolo" that all she need was for him to hold her hands and somehow the pain went away.  I laughed and told her how corny she was since "Lolo's" calloused hands were rougher than the sole of my feet.  But she lovingly told me that it was only those calloused hands that has touched her gently and protected her for more than 50 years of marriage.  She knew that it would just be a matter of time before she would live us, but still she was thankful for every extra day God allowed her to be with us.  She knew that we are pained seeing her suffer but she has had a happy 80 years of life and the "long goodbye" has given her a chance to say her goodbye to all the people she learned to love. She lived in a time when public display of affection was a taboo even with married couple but at least since she got sick she could hold "Lolo's" hands until she fell asleep.

        Death was no stranger to them since at their age they have a lot of people they hold dear depart. They were married more than 15 years before the outbreak of  World War II when Lolo who worked as a farmhand to her father was only 17 and she was 26. A lot of people were against their marriage for obvious reasons but "Lola" insisted that had they been alive that day, she could proudly say to them that she made the right choice all the way. Lolo have no vice to speak of and he worked hard to build a bountiful farm and a good home. Their far lies in the upland part of Alfonso, Cavite and luckily it was too far for the Japanese occupational forces to venture to and they were spared from the atrocities of war. They were not however spared from the fear of being chanced upon so Lolo has to scavenge for food at night and be always on guard for Japs and bandits alike. It was then she said, that they learned how to live one day at a time, and considered every day as a gift from God.

         It took me a lot of years for that lesson to sink in.  Things happen for a reason. Destiny maybe,  but  given 58 years and counting, I guess its about time I share some things I learned while i was wrestling with the realities in life. Lolo came to our barrio with nothing but his clothes on and a bagful of necessities looking for work, hoping for a different way of life away from his 2 brothers who led wayward lives. His only prized possession was the ax and bolo he inherited from his father and after a year of working as farmhand, he got himself a wife and built a future for all of us. My mother was their only child, and all he worked for he willingly bequeathed to of even while both of them were still alive. To Lola, his greatest gift was making time for her, taking care for all her needs, protecting her and sitting by her side until her very end.  He even fulfilled his promise that he would not wait long to go where she would go, passing away a month short of one year after her death. I knew all this because I grew up with them and stayed with them until they both departed.

        One thing my brothers and sisters never realized was that I was never their favorite, just their favorite errand boy.  I guess we can call this one destiny -  I have this compulsion ever since I was a child that I only came to realize some years ago. I felt the need to perform an act repetitively. It sounds abnormal but I just feel unable to do anything to change it. I need to keep my hands busy doing something so i could think and free my imagination.  As a child, I was the only one who could stand the whole day depoding legumes like peanuts and black beans.  Lolo would bring home a sack of rice and I would help Lola the whole day removing the the dirt and small stone bits before we store the rice in our storing cans.  Picking corn bits from harvested ears was a picnic and play for me so my grandparents never had any problem assigning me to do those things. I also got more than my fair share of the laundry and cleaning chores at home. For doing things I enjoy doing, they just thought I deserve extra rewards like toys and "pasalubong" each time "Lolo" went to the weekly market.

        That compulsion also worked wonders with my parents. I could do laundry the whole day, press a stock pile of clothes on weekends, and get rewarded with extra money so I could play billard later on. I was also my eldest sister favorite errand boy, as well as my uncles and aunts who were bedspacers to my grandparents so I also got extra perks from them. Money-wise, I never ran short during my younger days. It was fun all all the way through college years, and more fun during my working days. But it was also that compulsion that worked against me for I never got to fit in with my line of work. It was a hard sell for the people who were betting on me to become the kind of person I was destined to be. Luckily, I got myself a wife very much like my grandmother. All you have to do was to love her and make time for her and everything else would fall in their proper places. All the fun I had during my younger days were never missed, even got detached from my old friends, relatives and acquaintances, and the only thing I have to figure out each day was how to make the most of it to make it count.

          I could never say that my family is an ideal one. Like all all families, we too have had a lot of problems and screw-ups, but i could honestly say it is a happy one. We hit the bottom a lot of times, sometimes to the point that we know not where to get the food we could put on the table, but we never ran out of jokes and stories to share.  We however shared the hope that all those things would come to pass and someday when all the kids have work, we could have more of what we want.  I also try to make them understand that sometimes things happen not the way we want them too, and that includes parting, so we might as well make each moment allowed us count. As the saying goes - " A seed has to die before a tree could grow. " Besides how could this world survive if death did not took away all those people that had long been dead. Just imagine how Genghis Khan would fare against Adolf Hitler ?

THE ABC OF HAPPINESS : "C" IS FOR CHOICES

                   "  THE   GOOD   WOLF   AND   THE   BAD   WOLF  "

          There is an old American Indian tale about a boy who had a bad dream about 2 wolves fighting while he was trapped inside a cave. Disturbed, the boy asked the Medicine man what the dream was all about and the old sage told him , " Each one of us has two wolves inside us, the good wolf and the bad wolf. They always fight with each other. "  The boy then asked, " But who wins ? " The old sage smiled, tapped the boy on the shoulders and answered, " Its who you feed. "

          Each one of us has had this struggle with our conscience, the inner feeling or voice that dictates to us the rightness or the wrongness of our behavior. Our conscience is like a piece of muscle. the more we exercise it, the stronger it becomes. Yielding to temptations may be fun at first, for the interesting part of  living usually occur when we lose our way once in a while. But we must get out it while we are still not too deep in it, it hurts a bit but an error only becomes a mistake when we refuse to correct it. Rectifying the bad deed also requires facing the consequences of such actions. Real trouble starts when we try to cover up for the bad deed we did, complicating the matter and usually leading to committing more bad deeds. Some succeeds in hiding the truth but they will forever have to contend with the fear of being discovered coupled with a lot sleepless nights.  The bad wolf never rest, we may be able to block it from our mind, but it will always be there lurking and angling to devour us.

          Sometimes the choice are not ours to make. We may have our dreams and plans for our future  but we do not always get what we wanted even when we pour our heart into it. The only choice we could make then would be to accept what was given to us by fate or be forever be disappointed and allow our pains to eat us away. It is us who make the choice whether we should be happy with what we have and no one else. Our love ones may be able to ease some of our pains but if we do not stop griping, we will cause them pain and push them away.  Lee Iaccoca in his autobiography said " Here I am in the twilight of my life, still wondering what life is all about ... I can tell you this, fame and fortune is for the birds. " Such word from a man who made hundreds of million of dollars in the car business and almost made it to the White House only shows that success and happiness do not always go together.

         Muhammad Ali wanted to be "the greatest boxer in history" and a lot of  boxing afficionados consider him that. It brought him fame and glory, but the world felt sorry for him as  he struggled stricken with disabling "parkinson's desease"  as he  lighted the Olympic torch, He said he found himself nearer to God with the humbling experience, and with his riches gone, maybe that's the only choice he had to make his life bearable as he awaits his date with the Lord.  I could somehow dip in the experience, having dwelled in martial arts in my younger days. I could fight and handle guys twice my size in my prime, but now in my advanced age, gout crippled hands and needle piercing pains in the soles of my feet, I could not peel a potato. But I assure anyone, believers and non-believers that even if I could have another shot at life, I would choose the same one I am having. There is nothing more reassuring in life than to know in time of my demise I will be holding the hands of who will surely miss my absence. I may not be able to leave some riches they could enjoy spending but they will surely spend a great deal of memories of the times well spent while we were together.

         It is not easy to let down the people who are betting on you. But there are times that you have to take a different path to the one they have taken. Maybe they were right in saying that I was stupid, lacked ambition, and bull-headed, but they were wrong to say that I afraid of hardwork. I have been working hard eversince I was a kid and I never stopped. I just could not take the risk of leaving 5 young kids behind who needed my presence more than anything else. My wife would surely be able to raise them, money earned from working abroad will surely provide them a lot of things they would love having, but the difference a year or a couple of years would make may take more years bridge.  Wounds leaves scars, and misunderstandings sometimes causes more misunderstandings. We may not have built a castle during those trying years but together we have laid the foundations of their dreams. I may not have given them much in terms of material things but the shared experiences will make the hurdles in  their future life easier to jump over. I may have erred, they may be right in calling me an idiot, but I can assure  them that at least I am a "happy idiot."

       

THE ABC OF HAPPINESS : "B" IS FOR BONDING

          " SOMETIMES  YOU  WILL  NEVER  KNOW  THE  VALUE  OF  
                   OF  A  MOMENT  UNTIL  IT  BECOMES  A MEMORY. "

          A wonderful quotation by Dr. Seuss.  That's exactly what growing old is all about - good memories means a good and happy life. Just this week I started watching the TV series "Blue Blood" that starred Tom Selleck. The same kind of cops and robbers, sleuth and murder series, but capped with a heartwarming, sometimes funny scenes of the whole 4 generations of a family who were all in the business of law enforcement. A great grandfather who was once a Police commissioner in the good old days, then a grandfather played by Selleck, also a Police Commissioner in the modern time where everything is captured on television and internet. The only daughter, Erin, a prosecutor for the District Attorney, divorced,with a witty, street smart, teen-age daughter. The eldest son Danny, former marine, survived Iraq, uncompromising and sometimes reckless in his pursuit of criminals. Danny's wife, a nurse in the E.R., and their 2 teen-age sons. Then there's Jaime, the youngest son out of law school, who chose to be beat-cop.  Another son, also a cop, whose mysterious death still haunted the family. The Reagan family,  all in the same kind of work but with different jobs, always going head-on on how to implement and uphold the law, but always finding a way to patch things up in the end with gentle words of wisdom and understanding usually eked out by the elder Frank.

          The weekend dinner in the patriarchal home, the 4 generation all seated in the same table, discussing whatever comes up in the table is every father's dream of  a family. But this kind of bonding is only possible if you only put your heart into it while the family is still in its early years. A marriage bonded by true love for each other, and children raised out of that kind of love and not merely out of obligation and carrying a tradition. As Danny put it, our family may always be fighting but anyone who mess with us is in for a fight.  The Danny character is actually the most exciting role in the series because of his bull headedness and reckless attitude, never afraid to go up against anyone in his quest for justice. He is the "happy idiot", turning down a job that pays 4 times as much, for a job that put his life in jeopardy but felt its where he can do most good. He is backed by a supportive nurse wife and two sons who are more than willing to follow their father's footstep.  He was the cause of worry for his mother that she put up a "cash bond piggy bank" for him in anticipation of posting bail in case he gets a run against the  law.

         My dream is to be like the Frank character, composed and so full of wisdom that he could patch things up with his kids by referring to his past experience as to be able to impart to them what he wants to do and what he have to do.  Bounded by an oath  to implement the law as it is deemed fit, he has the burden of  keeping his hands off even when his own family runs into conflict with the law he promised to uphold. As a father I also have the problem of keeping the kids to find their own calling and keep them safe at the same time. Hard it is to strengthen the bond if you keep them on leash, but like a good parent - you must walk side by side with them until they go separate ways. My wife and I are outnumbered 2 to 5, so getting a law passed at home always encounter some tough opposition. Two boys who seem to want to do just about everything posed the real challenge. But as the saying goes - " No matter what you try to do with your sons, they will always try to be like their father. " I just hope they would learn from my mistakes.

          3 girls, the forever babies. Its real hard to figure out which one love you the most, but surely in terms of happiness, they bring in so much in my life. Sad fact is you have to let them go sometime in your life so I have to keep loving the woman I chose to be their mother. Meeting old friends is something I no longer do for I have been so far behind them that I couldn't find a story I could relate to them. Being on the same plane as we started on, its quite difficult to connect to them as they enjoy the luxuries I could only dream on for the moment. Most of them have found their fortunes working overseas and now have nice homes, cars, properties and "perks" of being in the big league. Me, I couldn't even have my tooth fixed. One consolation I have, if you can call it that, is I do not have the kind of problems they have. Years of being away from the family have caused them some problems that are hard to mend. Some succeeded in patching things up but some chose the easier way out - that of seeking consolation outside of their real home. I am not happy of hearing those stories. I have led a very different like from the one they treaded on, and there is very little I could do right now when I am still in the midst of things. It saddened me a bit but there are things that you have to learn to live with.

          Maybe this is one thing passed on to me by my grandfather. Love your partner, love your family, do what you love, and things have ways of falling into their proper places. He cannot read a word but he has learned to read other people's faces and a sincere smile meant more to him than an A+.  He cannot write but he was able to carve  in my heart what it meant to care for his love ones. He never had the benefit of education but he managed to teach me how to live a full life. My grandmother, she was simply there for him, in everything he was a part of.  She in return was life to him that after her death, he too stopped living. He left a year later not showing any sign that he would leaving for good, assuring my mom that he wouldn't stand in the way if she has other plans. I thought his death was the last of him, but the bond we shared came back to me when things got rough and I have to keep my own family from being torn apart. Its not that I don't feel much about my parents, I do but I spent more time  with my grandparents so I have more memories of them.

         Maybe the right way to spell love and bonding is  :  T  I  M  E .

THE ABC OF HAPPINESS : A IS FOR "AMORE"

       " Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. No, this trick won't work. How on earth in terms of physics and chemistry could you explain so important a biological phenomenon called first love ? Put your hand in a stove and it seems like an hour. Sit beside that special girl for an hour and it seems like a minute. That's relativity ! "

       "If one day you are made to choose between the world and love, remember this : if you choose the world you'll be left without love, but if you choose love, with it you will conquer the world."

       " How strange is the lot of us mortals ! Each of us is here for a brief sojourn ; for what purpose we know not, though sometimes we sense it. But we know from our daily life that we exist for other people first of all, for whose smile and well-being our own happiness depends. For happiness is like a kiss, you must share it to enjoy it ! "

          These are the words of Albert Einstein, the TIME magazine's person of the 20th century. For a man who is known for his scientific breakthroughs, its worth knowing that he too fell prey to the intricacies of  falling in love. Being in love, that's a given, its staying in love that poses a real challenge. I go for Einstein quote again - "If you cannot explain it simply, then you don't understand it well enough." Even Forrest Gump, stupid as he was, knew what love is. We all know what love is, we just try too hard to be original, doing things our own way, when the real trick is letting love sweep us to wherever it want to take us - that's why its called  "falling  in love."

          " When the world starts to shine like you have too much wine, that's Amore. I guess everyone, at least once in their lifetime, had experienced the drunken feeling of being in love. That's a given, the real challenge is how to stay in love, keep the fire burning, and live happily ever after. One thing I learned from my grandfather was how to keep his woman at a safe distance but make her feel that everything he's doing was for her. My grandmother in return allowed him space to do his thing but made him feel that he can't live without her. It was simple, he treated her like a queen and in return, he gets treated like a king. Their home was their castle and everyone they come in touch with, they try to do good. There was no TV and gadgets during their time and grandma's connection to the other world was only through a window from their apartment unit where she while away her hours waiting for my grandfather to come home. Indeed, their lives were so intertwined that after she died, he followed her to the grave 11 months later.

          Grandma was bedridden for about  years and pain engulfed her.. Every night I hear her cries of pain. I tried to be of comfort but my grandfather would tell me - " You are no doctor, so just try to get some sleep. If ever we need to send you on errands, I will just wake you up. " And all night long I can see him keep vigil by her side, holding her hands, offering some comfort knowing  that she will soon depart. He took her death calmly and as days passed spent most of his time sitting by the window where my grandmother used to spend her time with. He tried to put up a happy face each time my mother drop by to attend to his needs and I remember him telling Mom that he would never stand in her way if she was to follow my eldest sister to Canada. Then one day, without a sign of being sick, he died of cardiac arrest. Strange as it may seem, his face was marked by a smile in his casket. As the undertaker remarked, he must have had a pleasant death for he said it was impossible to put a smile on a dead man's face once you're making him up. It took me years to understand what love had done to their lives. It was not as as romantic as " The Notebook" for my grandfather could not read nor write, yet I always enjoyed reliving the times I was with them.

         Now I guess I am living the same kind of life, maybe even better. They have only my mother who married at the age of thirteen. I have 5 kids, all in their 20's and we are still enjoying their presence. Life may not be as simple as my grandparents' life back then but one thing I was able to do at home  better than most, the kids may have their cellphones and PC at home, we still prefer the old ways sharing stories and corny jokes. My wife is no longer as pretty as she was 30 years and 50 pounds ago, but she still have me under her spell. And here I am, still writing our love story. Well, that's Amore !

THE ABC OF HAPPINESS - "THE HAPPY IDIOT"

SCENE FROM  "BLUE BLOOD SERIES - Season 6 "  :

          The usual Regan family dinner, Danny mentioned that he was being offered a job 4 times his present salary.  He was actually baiting for opinions and grandfather Regan was first to break the ice, asked Danny if he is considering the offer.  Danny answered that only an idiot would turn down such offer. His grandfather knowing how dedicated he was to his job as a detective remarked, " Then, be an idiot, a happy idiot ! "  Danny smiled, and the rest of the family nodded in approval settling the issue.

          About 20 years ago, I too had the kind of opportunity.  My friends were landing jobs in the Middle East an I was not too far behind having the same kind of experience and qualifications they have. The only difference was they were single and I was married with 5 kids, the eldest of which was barely 8 years old. It would mean leaving my family behind for at least 2 years. I trust my wife but my kids were in their early years that I can't imagine how things would be if I'm out of the picture. Life was a real trial during those years having lost everything we've worked for, and having very little to keep our heads above water, it was time for us to join hands in facing all the hardships that befell us. Since we could not get ourselves out of the water, we learned how to swim in it and enjoyed whatever came our way as we wait for the tides to turn in our favor. Money would have been a good solution to most of the problems we've had, but very little could be done to solve the "real" problems when you are out of the scene.

          Some people close to me thought of me as a fool for letting those opportunities passed. It was a hard climb sending 5 kids through school, especially the college years. But in another year, I would be able to say that being a "happy idiot" was not too bad after all. The hardships, the pains, the trials, we had through all those years have opened my mind to different kind of understanding. I may not be like the shining star like the "Karate Kid" but I have played the role of "Miyagi" in them. Like a good father and a good teacher, I walked side by side with my kids until we go separate ways.  Along the way, I lost all my friends unable to keep pace with them. Unfounded stories have alienated me from my siblings but maybe I could still catch up with them once we have improved our lot.

          58 years and counting, it was a good run. Despite the hurdles, smiles and laughter never faded.  I may be racing down the last stage bothered by gout-stricken hands and pricking-needle pains in my feet. The fading vision, failing memories, and missing teeth, all add up to inconveniences in handling my daily tasks but never dulls the desire to learn more. I guess I have found somewhere that little den of inner peace ...my own brand of happiness.

Back To Life, Back To Reality - It's a Wonderful Life (8/9) Movie CLIP (...

XXXIX. THE POWER OF WORDS

          " If a thief takes my money and I take it back, does that 

                make me a thief ? "

           Just a simple question but it changed the course of destiny.  What was suppose to be a hanging party for Adolf Hitler turned out to be his greatest opportunity to rally his supporters and gained new admirers as he defended himself on the charges of treason. His rise to power was probably the greatest in modern history being only a simple soldier whose sense of nationalism blended with rhetorics hypnotized the entire German nation to seek world domination. His words, his speeches, his leadership, wrote the bloodiest page in the 20th century. Such is the power words can unleash.

          The world spins around the 26 letters of the alphabet. How you arrange this letters to represent your thoughts will spell the difference of your life from that of others. Words is our only means of expressing what is going on inside our mind and our heart, but it is never really enough to picture things out the way we wanted it to seen and felt by the one we are alluding to. The way we say the words, our facial expressions, our gestures, the tone of our voice, the timing, the place, and a lot of other things can greatly affect the message we are trying to convey.  What we say, how we say it, when we say it, where we say it, and to whom we say it, will make or break us. Unfortunately, not everybody is equally gifted. This is the part of our life that we have to figure out ourselves.

          A sign says " You were born an original, don't die a copy". Another one says " Never change your originality for the sake of others for no one else can play your role better than you". Well I guess there is no such thing as originality, its how you say things as if it has never been said before that really counts. What you have thought of was probably been thought of before - its just the way you will use that idea that will give it its significance. Former US president Bill Clinton said that all men are 98 percent genetically the same, but we concentrate on the 2 % part that makes us different from one another. And it is that 2 percent difference that had created all the wars and conflicts that beset our history.

          It took me a lot of years before I came to realize the kind of life I wanted to live. It may not be the ideal one to some, but I can honestly say that I no longer pray for the things I wanted to have.  Everyday when I wake up, I thank God for the added time I could mark on my calendar. It is just that I feel time is slowly slipping by, and I must hasten things up before my failing vision and gout stricken hand could no longer type the words I wanted to leave behind.  Life is fun, life is exciting, and life is designed differently for different people. Maybe our life may not be worth writing about, but given the opportunity and the tools to make something out of a simple life well-lived, I'd say why not ?  

XXXVIII. HOW TO DEAL WITH YOUR LOSSES

          George Foreman knows how it is to lose and lose badly.  He guested in the 700 Club after winning the World Heavyweight Championship against Michael Moorer and what he said about losing sort of changed my views. He said that it took him ten years to admit that he lost to a better man, and it was a right hand that did him in. He was laughing when he said that, and you can very well see that he truly was a different man from what he was in 1974 Zaire fight.  He knew that people won't listen to him if he preached about God when he returned to the square ring. He waited for the right moment, and what he did after knocking out Moorer, kneeling at the corner to thank God and pray, rather than raising his hands in triumph proved to the world that he really has become a man of God.

          Years later, after his second retirement, he was asked how he saw his other losses and he smilingly said - they were not really losses, he just failed to knock them out. Foreman's second coming proved that you are not really  a loser if you will just keep on trying. Either you come out swinging back to form or pause for a while as heal your wounds, and then recondition your self that the comeback road is a lot tougher than the first. He knew that ranged against younger and quicker opponents, he has has to double his effort, work harder and hurdle more pains in order to succeed.

          Tom Hanks' role as Captain John Miller in the movie " Saving Private Ryan"  summed up his losses by convincing himself that for every man he lost under his command, he was able to save some 20 or 25 of them. It was that way of thinking that allowed him to handle his own "private war."

          Manny Pacquiao knew that he has to continue fighting the best in his division to be able to bounce back after getting knocked out cold by Torrecampo in 1996, and won his first world title 2 years later. But it was after his second KO loss that really boosted his career jumping 2 weight classes to win his second world title against Ledwaba. He did rested on his laurels, worked even harder, and established a record that would be hard to match winning world titles in 8 weight divisions. The big difference between him and most fighters is that he knew that getting beat up and losing is part of the game, and there is no shame in getting knocked out - for he was loved by boxing afficionados for going all out each time, taking chances, instead of fighting not to lose.

          Michael Jordan failed to make the junior high basketball team on his first try, but instead  of giving up worked harder and successfully made it the next year. He was always the first to arrive and the last one to leave during practice games. His advice to aspiring athletes :  " When you find a wall, find a way to over it if you cannot go around it. I could understand people who fail but never the ones don't even want to try."

          In my case, I learned to handle a loss the way a scientist do - each failure is just a lesson learned how not to do things the right way. My failure is my pain and I know I have to pay for the consequences. Conjugal mistake is another thing though, finger pointing won't help, and finding the reasons why at times is more like adding more fuel to the fire. The best way is she is falling from a cliff, and you jump in with her, and hold hands to meet  whatever is down there together. There is no better way to grope in the dark when you someone to watch your back.

          As the saying goes, marriage is the only gamble in which either both of you win or both of you losses. The best way to be treated like a king is to treat your woman like a queen. And for a man to be proved right, you have to accept that you are wrong, for its always either she is right, or you are wrong. And maybe, aside from the marital vows - for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, - the priest should also read the Miranda Rights to the groom, that every word he says can be used against him.

XXXVII. ZEN AND THE PARABLE OF THE TALENTS

          "You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, the only way, it does not exist."  --  Friedrich  Nietzhe

         There was once a rich man who entrusted his property to three of his servants. The first one he gave 5 talents, the second one 3 talents, and the third one, 1 talent. The first one with 5 talents went trading and was able to make 5 talents more. The second one also traded and was able to make 3 talents more. The third one dug a hole in the ground and buried his one talent so it wouldn't be lost. When the master came home, he asked the three servants what they did with the talents he gave them. He was elated with the first 2 servants who were able to double the talents given to them but was greatly disappointed with the third one for not making good use of the 1 talent given to him. The third servant was vanished and even what he had was taken away from him. The first two were rewarded and told that they who have more will be given more.

          Zen on the other hand is explained in a different way - " He who do not know cannot tell but he who knows do not tell." Its a paragon that describes a man's understanding that there is no conclusive way of defining the realities in life. Its like describing the taste of sugar to a 4 year old child. No amount of words can explain to him exactly how it feels. He must experience it. Given the kind of experience, it then becomes his burden to be able to explain it to the next child, and so forth. In our very own life, we too will have the desire to explain how we were able to go about some of its most interesting facets. However, we will forever be burdened with explaining  to them how to do things better so as not for them to commit the same mistakes we've made.

          The parable of the talents ... where does Zen come into the picture ?  Its about experiencing how screwed up you went about wasting some good opportunities and have everything you've worked for taken away from you. You wanted to explain to everyone you know, especially those with whom you have close ties, but unable to do so. Most of them doesn't even want to listen, and those who do listen cannot understand how one so blessed with talents could fuck up things so bad, when a lot of good things are within arms reach for the taking. Life to some have become like travelling on the highway with a conked out sedan while every else are riding Benz and Limos and kept honking their horns since they are impending their path. Their faith in God will keep them from falling apart, get the courage and the strength to move on, and pick up the pace and try to continue the voyage.  Zen, then allows you to navigate your way on your own "feeling" way, taking time to park at some places where you can admire and smell the flowers, smell the clean air, and dream a little, armed with the knowledge that all of us are bound for the same place, but able to touch more life as we go by.

          Truly, those who made more from the talents given to them deserved more, but as long as life breaths inside you, you still have a chance. It is never wrong to be rich and famous, and powerful, as long as you earned them the righteous way - its how you about your wealth that make right things wrong. So as is being poor a more blessed path to salvation - its also about how you became poor and stayed poor through all your life. Maybe we can console our self with the saying that "money is not the key to happiness" but it is also true that with more many, you can afford to buy more keys. Religion can teach a man to become spiritual, but being religious is a lot different from being spiritual.  Zen leads us to different path of enlightenment. Religion and Zen may never cross path but both agrees that life is good, and every man must do good for it is the payment or lease we have to pay for the space we occupy in this world.

          Jesus said "Love one another as I have loved you". The Golden Rule states that we should not do unto others what we do not want to be done unto us. Every day, when the sun shines, we have an opportunity to do good, even when nobody notices, do good anyway, for Someone is always watching. Zen just adds color to these things, we "feel" the feeling of doing these things.

       
       

          .

XXXVI. PHILOSOPHY ... GO WEST OR EAST ?

          If you wanted success, fame and glory, go for western philosophy. Western philosophers fill the bookstores with thousands of titles sharing their supposedly secrets on how they were able to hack it. Be it success in life, business, leadership, or enterprise, or maybe a career in politics, mass media, or education, there are a large array of books that provide the tools to achieve them. On the contrary, oriental philosophy deals mainly with the multiple facets of the human soul, and emphasize more on one's search for serenity and enlightenment. Unlike western philosophy that readily opens up to debates and discussions, oriental philosophy centers more on the search, that it is best summed up in the lore that - "he who knows not cannot tell, but he who knows cannot tell." Like the taste of sugar, it can be explained in a lot of ways using words but it is only by experiencing it that could truly make one know its true taste.

          Socrates, hailed in most history books, as "The Father of Philosophy" aimed to study the human things - the good life, justice, beauty, and virtue. He did not wrote anything but his able student Plato wrote most of the dialogues and poured in his own brand of philosophy about the immortality of the soul,the benefits of being just, that evil is ignorance, and the theory of forms. Aristotle, Plato's most outstanding student went farther as a systematic philosopher and scientist writing books on physics, biology, zoology, metaphysics, aesthetics, poetry, theater, music, rhetoric, politics, and logic.  From then on , 300 B.C. until today, philosophers have filled in their own brand of philosophy, and it will never end ...

           Ism - a suffix appended to different brand of philosophy.  Marxism, Fascism, Existentialism, Feudalism, Maoism, the list goes on, and as long as people keeps on discovering new ideas the pursuit for knowledge will go on.  Philosophy  is defined as the study of the fundamental knowledge, reality, existence, especially when considered  as an academic discipline. Sometimes, there is a mix-up between philosophy and religion but the two takes different paths that cannot cross. Religion is a particular system of faith and  worship, but some preacher philosophies their beliefs.

          For most people who seek gold, fame and glory, they go for western brand of philosophy. They like to believe that nothing is impossible if you just put your heart into it. There are no limit to what we can achieve if we are willing to work hard for it.  People find success and always they are willing to share their so called secrets on how they were able to do it. But as many of these acclaimed success stories are, some despite the fame and money that goes with it wallowed in confusion on what to do with their "real" life. Some, are even driven to drinking, drugs and addiction. And at times, the realization that having fun is different from being happy comes in too late in their lives and they find it too late to go back.

          I for one have read a lot of books on how to be successful in life but  I  never got to put them in practice. I have tried doing some of them at work but it ruined my days, dragged me to level with people that I am not comfortable to work with, and hated my self at the days end. I have a career wherein my signature could make a lot of difference to some people I work and deal with. I too have to blend with them, stay at par with them, and pretend not to see some things that are happening under my watch. But that is not me, so I decided to leave, and shifted to a career that better suited me. I have turned my life around, and though I was earning less than my contemporaries, I have relieved myself with the stress and tension that goes with my old job.

          For my friends and some close relatives, it was a fatal mistake.  I loss a good paying job, bungled my career, burned bridges, and cut my self off from people who could pull me up. But in a way, I became more at ease with my self.  It welded me with my family for I got to spend more time with them. Days become less worrisome, and time passes me by unmindful of the other uncertainties that use to complicate our life.  I got to do what I love to do, with people I love to be with, earn to make a living, and enlighten myself about a lot of things.

XXXV. IF IT DOESN'T KILL YOU, IT MAKES YOU STRONG !

          I don't know where my friend got this quote but it was his favorite punchline. He was one of the best friend I've ever had. Never looking for a favor but always looking for some way to help. A former seminarian who gave up priesthood for love of a woman, he was one of the best computer specialist in the firm where I worked.  He's one guy who really worked more than what he was being paid for, working on tasks assigned to him even after office hours and weekends without overtime pay.  He's the shy type who allows other people to present his ideas as it was their own, but he didn't mind them getting the promoted ahead of him. He loved what he was doing, he earned more than what he needed money-wise, and he get to learn new things.

          He prided himself of having to handle only the major decisions at home. The minor decisions like - what appliances to buy, where to enroll their kids, what to do with their earnings, or how to discipline the kids, - his wife took care of those things. Only the major ones, like in case of a nuclear war, where to hide,  or  if ever end of the world nears, which congregation to join, - will be left for him to decide.  He seldom wash his car for he considered it his anti-carnapping device, and if his wife wanted a clean car, its another minor decision for her to decide to wash or keep it that way.

          He thinks that the best way to teach the kids Mathematics was to give them different allowances, and chemistry by allowing them to make their own juice drinks and "baon" for school. The less rules he makes at home, the less rules to break, they were good parents so they will sire good kids. He doesn't bring home work, so home life is home life. At home, he is a father to his kids and a husband to his wife. A computer expert as he was, every home situation that requires attention can be programmed and debugged until the right outcome is derived.

          When I resigned, I left everything behind including my friends. I seldom honor invitations, or return phone calls, until they got tired of trying to reach out.  I knew I was at fault, but its the way I am, and I can't help being me most of the time. I have lost my taste for drinks, and found more comfort of being alone with my thoughts and my family.  I have had a good run when I was with them at work, and I guess I was a good friend to them too. But there's something inside me that wanted to be left alone, detached from everyone except for my wife and kids, and my store where I am the kind of person I have always pretended to be.

           Age is fast catching up with me, and travel wears me down. The last 20 years is but a routine, tending our bookstore 14 hours a day, 365 days a year. A life with no holidays, and that includes Christmas and New year, just movies and books to while my life away.  On call for my kids at home any time, any day, with my wife to fill in my store hours, while I do some cooking and other personal things. That's one thing my kids will surely miss when I'm gone - my cooking and my stories - and maybe the things I wrote to remember me by.

          I have no grand dream or anything, just lived a life I loved so much, loved my wife, loved my kids, treasured my friends and relatives, and thankful for all the things I learned that I got to share with everyone who were willing to listen. No regrets, no wishes unfulfilled, for how can I not be appreciative of a life that I enjoyed so much. It may not show in the things I have earned, but how can I ever describe the smiles I see each time I get to satisfy a book-lover who found in our store the book they have long been searching for. We readers speak a different language, be it romance, mystery or suspense, or any genre whatsoever, we're digging for gold.

XXXIV. NO SUCH THING AS FAILURE... AS LONG AS YOU KEEP ON TRYING

           "You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call failure is not the falling down, but staying down."- quoted by Mary Pickford."

           Considered as the "Queen  of the movies, the most popular Canadian-American actress of the silent movie era (1910-1920), never wavered and won herself the second Academy Award for Best Actress for her first sound movie. She did not regain her popularity afterwards, mainly due to her age, but became one of the most influential figure in Hollywood partnering with Charlie Chaplin to produce their own films.

          Its not easy to be looked down upon by people close to you, especially your own family. All of them have found financial security while I remained in the dumps. We did screw up some 20 years ago losing everything we've worked for, but since then we've never stopped trying. Though I appreciate every help I received, with 5 kids in tow, and not much profit earned from our business, we still have to make some sort of a headway. I could have opted for a different kind of business, one that rakes in more money, but that would mean abandoning a dream. The book business we started was more than just a livelihood for us, its the only thing I know that leave a mark, some kind of a legacy for my kids to remember me by,  and something that had made my life useful for those who shared the same passion, wanting to open doors to find that "something" within them that too could provide them some answers they've been searching for.

          Its kind'a hard to explain, that I am right in a place where I have always wanted to be. Maybe there are something we could "fix" in our life, like for example our lack of financial security. There are a lot of things money could buy, and sometimes its hard to keep happiness within one's home without food on the table. In a few more months, two more kids are about to graduate leaving only my youngest with 3 more years in college. Good paying jobs awaits my 2 kids so a great part of our financial needs will be met. But that's as far as I go - they have a life of their own, we've done our part, - then we can move on to "fix" the mess we made.

           Maybe we were a bit late,  unable to catch up for now but we are heading the same direction. Our vehicle were just a bit slow and we took some detours while on our way, but at least I can  tell them that the travel have been worthwhile. It just so happen that I was driving, lost my way several times, but the drive have been interesting and I just like to leave a trail so others won't lose their way. Sorry for being a poor driver. All I can say is that  even when I encountered a lot of bumps and flat tires, I never lost hope and I kept on going. And if ever I am not able to reach the right destination, I am sure my kids will take over.

          The only good thing about being misunderstood is you get to understand yourself better. You know they meant well but somehow you have to distance yourself from them. Its hard to explain that we're just different ... We too like to go to where they are but have to travel via different route. We too like to communicate, but we are unsure of what to say and where to start. And we have to understand that sometimes some fruits fall far from the tree and end up some place else, but it doesn't mean that it would taste differently.

          Time heals all wounds, seeds begin to sprout, become trees and then bear their own fruits. They may take roots in different grounds and different places, but they all can be traced from the same origin.

XXXIII. ADVICE FROM A FAILURE -- 2

          A man fell down on a hole, unable to get out.  A doctor passed by, saw his bruises and threw down a prescription so he can dress his wounds once he's out of the hole. Then later a priest passed by, said a prayer, blessed the guy and went his way. Then a friend saw him, jump inside the hole and said, " I couldn't pull you up but I can show you the way out. "

          Leo McGary advised Sam Seaborne in a scene in the award winning series, "The West Wing."
In the episode, Sam got involved unknowingly with a prostitute, and was unsure on how to face the consequences since it could blow up into a scandal of sort. Leo McGary, the Presidential Chief of Staff, told him of his own personal crisis, being an alcoholic, and how he dealt with the problem without tarnishing the image of the presidency.  An error is not a mistake if you are able to correct it so you have to deal with your problems head on and be prepared for whatever consequences it brings.

          I too have failed in the career I took. It was easy getting a diploma, finding work thereafter. I was able to sweet talk my way into a cadetship program for new engineering graduates, over hundreds of applicants. Getting the nod of trainors and supervisors never posed a problem since I was able to present other people's ideas as if they were my own. I made a lot of good friends so they usually cover for my lapses in the field. However, while my contemporaries were focused on earning experiences and honing their supervisory skills, my heart was not into it.  As they stayed focused on the details of works in the field, I was more interested in watching girls go by. While they were working on their Master degrees, my nights were spent wining and whoring around.

          Things took a turn when I got promoted to head section of our department. Assigned to a another project, I don't have my friends to cover my ass. Its easy to hide your incompetence with your bosses, but you could never fool your skilled subordinates. Once you fail to give them the kind of guidance they need in the field, you could not earn their respect and its difficult to get things done. As Peter's Principle applies - " I should not have been promoted beyond my level of competence." I tried getting myself transferred to Design and Detail Engineering Department where I excel, so I quit work when my request was turned down.

          That was almost 30 years ago, and though I failed in getting my stripes in the field of engineering, I found myself  in a job that suited me to a tee.  There's nothing like doing what you love doing, time passes unnoticed, and you get your kick when you find other people learning from you mistakes.  You get to spend quality time with your family, provide your kids with the kind of education they wanted, and get to talk with people who share the same passion.

          I may not have traveled far as my friends have, build a fine house for my family, or get them to taste the fine foods other people enjoy, but I am sure that when the time comes that I have to leave them all behind, I will be remembered not just for being a father and a husband to them, for also for the stories I have shared with them. Time shared with them were always full of laughter, pep talks, and some bits of wisdom which I know will be of use to them when they too would build a family of their own.

XXXII. ALL FOR A WHISTLE ... BABIES FOR SALE !

          We happen to ply our trade in a place where we get to co-exist with people who earn their keeps from the streets. To them, living in the street is a choice, protected and coddled by persons of authority and allowed to earn their keeps acting as "barkers" for passenger jeepneys, taxi cabs, colorum SUV's and motorcycle "habal-habal".  Some have taken "parking territories" where you have no choice but to hand out some bills so your vehicle won't get  "accidental" bumps and scratches. Children goes to begging and petty thievery, while women gets pregnant the moment they step into puberty. Asked why so young, they say they have to find a partner for protection. And you'll be surprised what they do with their babies, usually they get them "adopted" for monetary consideration.

           One woman, a known drug user, and only in her late 30's or early 40's, had sired 17 babies and got at least 15 of them "adopted".  I am not sure how many partners she's had but the amazing part of it is that she doesn't even seem to mind, and even spoke of how easy it is for her to deliver babies, just like taking a dump.  So as to not to be bothered by so much paperworks, someone arranges the adoption for them, taking care of delivery, the birth certificate, and other facilities for the so-called adoption. To give the babies a chance for a better life, they say, something that they could not hope for to give them while living in the streets.

          I sell books for a living in a market place where there are plenty of these so-called street dwellers. The better ones are those who scavenge for recyclable materials they could sell for food. Others even go over the garbage can for some food left-overs, and hope for compassion from passers-by. They usually have no home to go home to and just exist to survive until their time comes. The worse ones  pester people, so they would hand over what they are eating to them.

          Then there are the "professional" beggars. They earn more than ordinary wage earners, and eat better too. I happen to know some old beggars, since they change their coins to paper bills from stores adjacent to us, and usually the amount exceed a thousand for a day's routine. There as they exchange their earnings to paper bills, their dependents hobbled over them to partake their shares. The worse ones hire babies as props since they won't use their own to beg in street corners. Most people don't take notice, but the babies with them are always asleep or looked ill. They give them drugs so they sleep all the time, so as not to be a  bother while they wait for coins to drop in their begging bowls.

          Then there are the "solvent gangs", mostly runaways. They usually survive by petty thievery and stealing from drunks at night. Some of them have handlers for protection, engaging them in pick pocketing and snatching activities. Since most of them are minors, they've been in and out of jail, but could not be imprisoned since the law protects them for being minors. They are the "real" problem that our government does little to solve. They are a pitiful site but if you are plying your trade in a place where they abound, you could not give in to them for they will hover and pester you everyday. You have to make them realize that you are someone they could not mess with so they would leave you alone.

          And the worse of therm all are the thugs and street bullies. Most of them are have handlers that are cohorts of  persons of authority, running errands and acting as "barkers" in illegal terminals. They collect  from jeepney drivers so they won't get shooed away while they collect passengers from intersections. Some sampaguita vendors sell them the flower necklace which they hang inside their windshield as a sign that they had paid their dues so that traffic enforcers in other stops would look the other way as they violate road ordinances. They also collect from illegal vendors and act as parking attendants so the vehicles won't be cited for violations. They also arrange trips for passengers of "colorum" vehicles and motorcycles, and you can't get a taxi without them hovering over you for tips.  All this things happen under the noses of  Barangay enforcers and cops on the beat.

          They understand only one language - that is force.  You have to stand your ground, not allow them to push you around, so they will think that you have some connections and to mess around with.  The worst kind in a place like this are not the tough guys but the "big shots" and their lieutenants who can pay people to do the violence for them.  That's the only way you could keep them away for acts of kindness doesn't work for them. One favor for them will lead to another, and each one of them will try to get the same kind of favor from you. Acts of kindness are viewed as acts of weakness. All of them wanted to be feared. But the truth is, they know that they are the "expendables", they just take what they can take but only from those who don't fight back.

          Most of them were already given relocation homes which they either rent out or sold to other relocatees. Most of them have tasted jail time, their badge of toughness, and were into drug and other illegal trades. Before they don't bother to hide their drug use, even hanging around the market place while high on drug. You can very well see from the cellphones and gadgets they have that money is really not so much of a problem to them. They have no respect for guards since their protectors also wore badge, the real ones.  The market place to them is their territory, so you have to mark your own turf so they won't stray beyond your lines.

          Things, however have improved the past few months under the new administration. It took two deaths of  their former "kosas" ( term they use for jail mates) who had gone "big time", to put them in tow. They still do their usual routines minus the selling of drugs and stolen items.  They were rounded up and told to stay away from drugs and illegal trades, and four hard cases were locked up until now. Six months of  Duterte, and there were no news of snatching and hold-ups in our area.  Sadly. after the suspension of "tokhang", 2 cases of hold-ups, one leading to death, happened in our area, so the thugs were probably testing the waters.

          One thing that news reporters miss out when write something about things, they only skim the surface and rely on hear says. They interview the wrong guys, mostly people who are in the same circle and won't tell everything for fear that they may be regarded as "rats". Government authorities who deal with the problem sounds good on TV and are a master of disguising their true intentions that they generate compassion for these kind of people. These kind of "street dwellers" are not as poor as they appear to be, for I've seen 3 generations of them, right in our store fronts. Barangay officials of the  past have tried giving them jobs but they simply don't want to do hardworks. They were given the 4 P's, and other loans which they only gamble away or spend on their vices. Sadly, I see no solution for them to change their ways.

          They are pawns of illegal trades. As long as there are sidewalk vendors, illegal terminals, colorum vehicles, and the streets are treated by government authorities as "theirs" to rent out, these problem will never end. Politicians approach the issue with an open mouth but only to get votes but hardly make a dent in ironing out solutions.  TV news, print media find them good items to be read about, but only to sell their ads and newspapers, and only sugar coats the real issues. The church ? I don't see them doing anything about the problem.

          All for a whistle, I came to like this phrase, - a little effort, a little wind, could make people hear the sound. Maybe this piece could make some people hear, make them see a bit of it. I don't expect easy solutions but we could at least educate ourselves, and not try to add to the problem. As Confucius use to say - " If you want to solve the problems of the world, go back to your home and start with your family. "

XXXI. WHAT'S WRONG WITH RELIGION ?

          In the parable  "The Prodigal Son", storytellers usually neglect the part where the father said to his obedient son - "Son you're always with me, and everything I have is yours." They always give emphasis to the part that the father welcomed his prodigal son with open arms, and even held a feast in his honor, with the most repeated part of the sermon - "We had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again ; he was lost and is found."

          Similarly, "The Parable of the Lost Sheep", exclaims that there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous person who do not need to repent (Luke 15 : 3-7).  Since the beginning, God had been the Good Shepherd who rescues His lost sheep. However, at times the listeners do not fully understand the other side of the message that God too love equally those who do not sin, who too should rejoice, without feeling envy for the attention given the lost sheep, and welcome him back to their fold.

          It is like asking which leg of the table is more important.  One leg break or lost, the table could no longer serve its purpose.  Or similarly,  a deck of cards cannot be used in a game of poker if one card is missing, so we have to find the lost one to make it a game. The joy of finding the lost card is morely expressed than having the other 51 cards on hand, but it never diminish the significance of the 51 cards. There was nothing wrong with the 2 parables, just in the telling of those who preach about them - for no one is favored more and each one will receive what is justly for him to receive.

          Religion's main purpose is to give meaning to life.  The search however, due to difference in race, cultural system of behavior and practices, or the so called "order of existence, have caused the affiliation of different people to different beliefs of the "divine", each group criticizing the other and heading to different paths of salvation. Human history is full of conflict between these contending religions, most of the time leading into bloody wars and confrontations. Instead of serving as an instrument to unite the world into one global race worshiping one "true God", it has continued to cause more divisions between races, countries and even families.

          Some people even spend their whole life studying and forever debating about "life after death" neglecting how the present life should be lived. People could not even differentiate between being religious from being spiritual. Some are enslaved, following blindly, the faith they have embraced. Some question their faith, coming up with their own interpretation, and build their own following. And for some, the search for "truth" goes on until they find themselves in the "calling" they have waiting for. The sad truth is that there is so much money going around that there are some who enrich themselves preaching their own version of the "truth" and profiting from the religion they teach. And worse, as a political weapon, to wage war against their rival religions.

          Things happen for a reason. Everyday, the sun rises from the east, bringing hope that someday

the "truth" about all these conflicting beliefs will unite men into one common faith. The debate about which religion is holding the "truth" is a never ending one and I do not wish to get into one - I just feel like sharing what I have learned.  We hold nothing, for we came into this world naked and unknowing of anything, given a short span of life in a surrounding not of our own choosing with strange people including our parents and siblings not of our own picking. We just got into something that we have to figure out where were going and given all the choices available on how to get there. Other people exist for the very same reason, so are the animals and other living things that we'll get into contact with, as we go on with our lives. Everything that passes our way, leaves something for us to learn from. Clues are provided to us, some messages are to be figured out and some signs are to be deciphered, all we have to do is believe that Someone out there love us and we are here to enjoy all the blessings He provide us with. A great Father to all us Who wanted us to find our way of getting back to Him after all these adventures are through.

          Our heart, even as a child tell us through its beating if we're doing something that poses danger or harm to us. It never lies, but it could harden if we keep on going against its warnings, until the time that we get used to the feeling of ignoring the signs it provides us. Our mind only functions to provide us with scenarios on how things will go if we push through with what we are thinking. Our mind gives us a road map but its our heart that controls the wheel, and go where we want to go. Yet no matter how wrong we are in the road we are travelling, we could make U-turns, shift gear or make stops. Its our call all the way but we have to contend with the "real truth" that someday, not of our calling, things will come to an end. We have to make a life of the time we're given, make it count, and try to leave something good for future generation to be of use for their own lives.

          Life is a race. We can choose what kind of race it would be for us. It could be a sprint to some, wanting to be the fastest one to reach the finish line for gold and glory. We could train for a marathon, for life is a long race where the fittest rule. But I find it like a relay race, an Ironman challenge, that we hope to make a good headway, so when we pass on the baton to our next teammate, he will be a little bit ahead of the race.  We may not go for the gold and the glory, but we have to run the race, and write our own record as we go take every step before we reach the finish line. 

         
          I guess I have made a good run, and right now i choose to be just in the crowd to watch other runners do their thing. Someone has to cheer, record what is happening, and make some analysis on how the race was run.  Maybe someday someone will pick up from where I stopped ...I guess I know now where the good seats are. I may not be on the best seat to watch the race but I have a good view of it, and its time for me to pay back my Maker.

Comedian Billy Crystal delivers funny and touching eulogy for Muhammad Ali

XXX. MUHAMMAD ALI LED A PERFECT LIFE ...hen

          Muhammad Ali led a perfect life... most people who watched his career won't agree but I guess he got his wish - after retirement, to devote himself towards knowing God. He said this in one of his interview.  He was thankful for all the blessings he received in his early life, knowing that despite the millions of aspiring boxers who wanted to excel in the sport he, at least could lay claim to the title of being "the greatest." Very few experts and boxers could dispute that claim. He was well known and well loved in almost every part of the world, and it would take a long time for someone to be able to match the drama and excitement he generated in his generation.

          When he was diagnosed with "Parkinson's Disease", he told the world that he should not be pitied for he had a life that very few had ever experienced. He never asked God why him - humbled and in bended knees he accepted the will of the Lord. He knew how it is to be loved and adored, and there is no denying that he was able to touch the lives of a lot people.  He served as an inspiration to all aspiring athletes and championed the cause of the blacks' struggle for equality.  He preached not only through words but also thru example - that of  a willing servant to his Islamic faith.

          Billy Crystal was able to comically sum up his life in a little less than 15 minutes but it goes far beyond that.  He redefined boxing not as a mere brutal sport but also as a mind game where you not only try to out-muscle and out-hustle your opponent but also out-smart them.  Three and a half years, he was not allowed to box and travel out of the US, robbing him of the glory he could have gained while in his prime. God must have willed it for it was the reason why he was universally accepted as the champion of black human rights movement in his era. With him as spokesman, the country had to listen, and it created ripples around the world. It could not be denied that most of the privileges enjoyed today by the blacks, they owed some from the Louisville Lips.

         His loss to Joe Frazier and then to Ken Norton only heightened the drama of him regaining it from the almost invincible George Foreman. With the way Foreman was demolishing his contenders, he could have ruled the heavyweight division for decades,

But as faith would have it, it closed the door for George's boxing career and opened his heart to a new found faith. The 3 of them formed the most dramatic era of heavyweight boxing, never equaled to this day.  Add to that the fact that the contenders, namely, Ken Norton, Ron Lyle, Ernie Shavers, Jimmy Young, Jerry Quarry and Joe Bugner were able protagonists.  Ali regaining the crown also paved way to one of the greatest fight in the 20th century better known as the "Thrilla in Manila."

          Ali's win over Leon Spinks cemented his legacy as the first heavyweight to win the title 3 times. Then followed his decline, so after losing consecutively against Larry Holmes and Trevor Berbick, he finally concluded his professional boxing career that spanned for 21 years.  Ali then devoted his later life to religious and charitable works. A lot of issues surfaced about his not-so-friendly relationship with Joe Frazier, but George Foreman tried hard to shield  the two rivals from squaring off for the fourth time. 

          Despite all the issues raised, I still believe that Ali led a perfect life,  pre-designed  and pre-arranged. Through his life, we have seen that dreams do come true, and defeats are not permanent unless you give up trying.  Fate may have been hard on him the later part of his life but it proved that anyone, no matter how great, is but a speck in God's eyes.  Anyone who had been down will tell you that in the darkest hour of our life, only our faith can bring back the light.  I may not be able to explain it the way people can understand, but there's no better feeling than being able to see that life is not so bad after all.

MUHAMMAD ALI'S 50TH BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION - Billy Crystal performs 15 Rounds

XXIX. THE MAN WHO HATED DOG LOVERS

          One of the most interesting person I met in our bookstore was a retiree who hated dog lovers. He spent more than half of his life working in Canada but decided to return home after his retirement at the age of 65. He was a voracious reader, buying at least 10 books per week, and usually was in a friendly mood unless he's talking about his neighbor who was raising and training dogs for a living.  Most of his neighbors also have dogs, and so he would rather lock himself in his condo unit rather than acquaint himself with them.

          He was used to having neighbors with pet dogs in Canada but he said they were clean and don't smell that bad. Dog owners there were not allowed to take their dogs for a walk without leash and they have to pick up their dog's droppings or be apprehended for littering. Since it was very cold out there, dogs too don't sweat that much so they don't smell that bad and dog owner usually treat them like kids, giving them bubble bath and brushing their fangs. Its not very unusual to visit homes with dogs sitting beside the children in their sofa, sometimes even in their beds.

          Here it was really different. His condo unit is just a few blocks from our bookstore but he said that he fears walking the streets to our place. It was not because of thugs hanging on street corners but because he was careful on not stepping on dog shit on his morning walks.  He could not understand why Barangay officials allow dog owners to have their dogs relieve themselves on the streets. Dog owners don't bother to pick up their dog's droppings where it get trampled by passing vehicles or stepped on by pedestrians. There are even dog owners who don't bother to put their dogs on leash posing danger to children and other passers by.

          There were even neighbors who tie their dogs on the side walks, some in alleys, and some near their gates. They feed them with left-overs, and most of the the time lie on the pavements with their shit and piss smelling all over. Add to these the noise they make when they are hungry, or pleading to be led outside to relieve itself.

         His other neighbor who breeds dogs, mostly pitbulls for dog fights, put the animals in cages. The smell of shit and urine goes up beyond their walls and he has to keep his windows closed so as not to smell them in the morning. And to think that his neighbor brag around how he love dogs as well as those who order them for pets.

          After about a year, he decided to sell his condo unit and transfer to another place. When he said goodbye, I handed him a copy of  " Old Yeller" from my personal collection. It was a book written by Fred Gipson and one of my old time favorites about a a boy who reluctantly took in a yellow dog which later proved its worth by saving the family in different occasions. He smiled and said that he doesn't really hate dogs, just the locals treat them. It was okay to hear people say they love dogs but found it hypocritical that they don't have regard for others who are affected by their "unsanitary" way of taking care of their pets. He moved to a new location downtown where pets were not allowed.

         Well, as Mark Twain use to say,  "If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man." And perhaps,  Jerome K. Jerome got it right when he said  - "People like dogs, because they never talk about themselves but listen to you while you talk about yourself, and keep up the appearance of being interested in the conversation."

          As for me, I have to see a dog who read books for they read people. They do everything to please their master, and even if you hit them, they don't take it against you. I enjoyed reading Old Yeller, Sounder by William Armstrong, The Incredible Journey by Sheils Burnford, and white Fang and Call of  the Wild, both by Jack London. Also enjoyed "The Lassie TV Series", Hatchiko movie, and remember Rocky's dog Bumpus, but that it the farthest I am willing to go with dogs. You can't leave them with books,  and you have to take care of them. I rather see them on the farm running after monitor lizards, protecting our hens and its chicks, and warning us of intruders. I rest my case ...

XXVIII. LIES MY FATHER TOLD ME

          "Lies my Father Told Me" is a book written by  Ted Allan in 1949, and was made into a movie in 1975. It tells the story of a 6-year old boy who was torn between the love for his grandfather and love-hate relationship with his father.

          They say that children gets attached to their grandparents because they have a common enemy. Funny, but true, since grandparents have the tendency to spoil their grandchildren while parents have the harder time in disciplining them later. What you can't get from your parents, your grandparents give. And in a way, I found this out to be true. Spending my pre-school years with my grandparents, I have a big farm as playground. When I was to enroll in the first grade, my parents took me to the city and kept me in a room slightly bigger than our outhouse and I was not allowed to play outside. It was like a prison so what used to be a very obedient child to my grandparents became a hard-headed imp.

          School became a haven and although my father took me to see movies on weekends, our father-son relationship never approximate my closeness to my grandfather. My elder sisters were not very fond of me, and I was usually confined at home doing houseworks and watching TV.  They usually play outside, but once they are home they lord over what TV programs to see. I have to get up at 5 a.m. so I could watch Laurel and Hardy, The 3 Stooges, and My Favorite Martian, in that order before going to school.

          Things changed a bit when we transferred to our own home after grade school. My mother, being the only child, was able to convince my grandparents to sell their farm so we could build our own apartment. They obliged, but living under one roof became intolerable with my grandfather always running into conflict with my father, that my grandparents later asked to live in one of the apartment units. I tried to get close to my father helping him with our fruit business but we never really blended well working together. Then one day, after graduating from high school, I decided not to go to college and instead found work in an aluminum manufacturing company.

          I hated being at home, working overtime everyday including weekends so home was just a place for me to sleep. I avoided holidays with the family, doing overtime even on Christmas, New Year, and even on Lenten season. The more I work, the farther I feel away from home. When not working, I spend my time with my grandparents. I got to become furnace operator only after 6 months but remained one the next 18 months cause of my lack of education. So with no more promotion on site, I decided to go back to school and become an engineer.

          My relationship with my father never really improved but this he tried to control his temper more so we got along just fine. I was the eldest of 5 brothers after 3 elder sisters, and I got more share of house works - cleaning, laundry, taking care of our business, and playing big brother to my two youngest brothers - the real go-to-guy at home. The arrangement was fine with me since I did like to always keep myself busy and I got spoiled a bit by my parents, and also my grandparents for running errands for them.

         After my grandparents died, a few years after I graduated from college and then working for a government utility company, my parents, and 3 younger brothers migrated to Canada. Then later, another brother and a sister, with her family followed, leaving only me and my family in our home country. My mother fell ill due to renal failure and was pronounced to live only on borrowed time. I tried to apply for a visit but an "urgent" letter from my mother pleading the consul to allow me to visit her before she dies came six months too late. I could not answer the consul why it took that long for an urgent letter to arrive, so I got turned down.  From then on, I decided to move on and worry no longer about setting my sight on a foreign soil.

          My mother lived on for 8 more years, but my father could not wait for her, so 6 years into her illness he decided to pay me a visit to bridge the gap between us. It was just a short visit, we did not talk much for Dad has always have trouble finding words to say, but such little time with us endeared him to the kids and healed whatever what was between us. Her was unsure if there would be life for him after Mom dies and he just wanted some time with us.

          Mom died 2 years after Dad's visit. He came back to fulfill the dying wish of my mother that her ashes be buried with her parents. He knew that life alone would be different without Mom and at his advanced age, he also knew that he would be a bother to my siblings. So he he sought for a younger bride, someone who would take of him once his health start to fail. But my elder sisters would have none of it. The arrangement with his bride failed and he now lives in a retirement condominium waiting for the inevitable.

         I worry not for I know there is nothing I could do, not even maybe to visit him in  his last moments. But I feel no regret - I have done more than my share of obligations as a son to them in my younger years. I may have been misunderstood for I feel that it would be better for me and them to bury my version of truth and leave things be as they are. No use rocking the boat when everybody else is enjoying the view,  for one thing I am sure of, when Dad is gone, some ties will really be broken.

         At least now I know, the harsh words he uttered then, were but lies that was only said 'cause of anger and misunderstanding.  He was proud of having me as a son ...and it was all that mattered to me then.

XXVII. LESSONS FROM A STREET-SWEEPER

          One of my customer was a street-sweeper. Always in a jolly mood, he comes to the store almost everyday to buy a book to read. Always smiling but never too eager to share his thoughts, he just say thank you after paying and leave whistling his favorite songs. He was just one of the usual customer, a familiar face whose life remained a mystery, until one day when he came to the store sullen and in a very sad mood.

         He's been a customer for almost 3 years then, and we hardly exchanged pleasantries, just nods and sly smiles. That day was different, he looked sad, and finally broke ice with a story to share.  He told me he was not actually sad but just unsure of what to do next. His son, whom he haven't spoken to for many years paid him a visit and invited him to attend his grandson's wedding. He was not actually broke that time but reluctant to attend the wedding, not because he has nothing to bring him with but because he'll get to see some faces he has not seen for many years.

        He related that he was released from prison some three years ago, given a job as a street-sweeper by the son of one his former cellmate. Knowing that his former wife has already a new family, he decided to keep things quiet, visited their place not to meet them, but just to catch glimpse of her and their son who too had a family of his own. Thirty years have separated them and it was no surprise to him that nobody recognized him, though he had an idea who some of them were. That's one good thing in the city, people walk with blank stares, and not notice a lot of faces they come to meet on the streets.

        He survived prison life by keeping his own private space, reading and praying most of the time. He was a frail and small in stature that gangs inside considered him a nobody and dismissed him as one harmless guy who would not be an asset as a gang member. So he was not forced to join any of them. He was very thankful that he was able to maintain his sanity and even gained some wisdom by keeping himself occupied with books, mostly given to him by visiting relatives of his cellmate-brothers in faith.  He decided not to disrupt the life of his old family when he got out. His parents were both dead, and with no one else to go back to, he found a spot under the MRT station and called it home.

         That day he was not actually sad, just unsure of what he would do next. The family of the guy he killed over three decades ago still reside in the community, and he was uneasy about facing them. His son, though maintaining a distance while they talked, seemed happy to see him. But he was unsure about his former wife, for he was  but a burden to him then. His old drinking buddies were all dead except one, and some old relatives who were not actually very fond of him then. Surely, he was afraid of all the reactions he would receive.

          I barely spoke a word for I know my advice to him won't matter much. I was probably the closest thing he could call a friend, and until then, I knew nothing about the guy.  I handed him a book, " The Birdman of Alcatraz " - a true to life story of a notorious convict who actually died in Alcatraz prison but found redemption in treating bird ailments. He was called the "doctor of birds". I told him it was a gift, which he graciously thanked me for and told me he would return to tell me what happened after the wedding.

          He returned a week later, happy about the outcome, how well he was received by his old friends and glad that he felt he was forgiven for his sins of the past. He decided not to accept the invitation for him to return to his old place not only because he fear that he might disrupt the "normal situation" they then enjoy. Somehow he got  used to the situation of being alone, with books to keep him company.  From then on, he came to ask me for feel-good books that I could recommend to him for reading, and everyday I set aside one for him. He continued coming to the store for a few more months, then I heard that he fell ill one day and was taken by his son. I never even got to know his name - we just call each other "pards".

         I guess that one of the reason why I have stuck with books even when it is no longer as profitable as it was before. I've had a lot of unnamed friends with whom I got to share with some of the lessons we pick up from our everyday way of life.  "Pards", the street-sweeper, found peace cleaning other people's mess, not bitter about how unconcerned they are with others, and just pick up what they throw away.  He got dirtied but inside he felt clean, knowing that he has paid for the crime he had committed, and that the people who were hurt by his deeds no longer held those grudge against him.  He was about five years older than I was,  yet looked at me with respect, knowing that somehow  our lives were connected. I learned something from him and I shared with him some of the goods I earned.

XXVI. LESSONS FROM A GAMBLING MAN

          " Son,  I've made a life out reading people's faces
             Knowing what the cards were by the way they held their eyes
             So if you don't mind me sayin' I can see you're out of aces
             For a taste of your whisky I'll give some advice

             If you'll gonna play the game boy, you gotta play it right
             You gotta know when to hold them, know when to fold them
             Know when to walk away, know when to run
             You never count your money while you're sitting at the table
             There'll be time enough for counting when the deal is done

             Every gambler knows that the secret to surviving
             Is knowing what to throw away, knowing what to keep
             'Cause every hand's a winner, and every hand's a loser
             And the best thing you can hope for is to die in your sleep

                                                                          -- Lyrics from the song " The Gambler"
                                                                                   by Kenny Rogers

           

"A Deck Of Cards" Lyrics

Tex Ritter

During the North African Campagne,
a bunch of soldier boys had been on a long hike,
and they arrived in a little town callled Casino.

The next morning, being Sunday,several of the boys went to church.
A Sargent commanded the boys in church,
and after the chaplain had read the prayer,
the text was taken up next.

Those of the boys who had a prayer books took them out,
but, this one boyhad only a deck of cards,
and so he spread them out.

The Sargent saw the cards and said, "Soldier, put away those cards".
After the services were over, the soldier was taken prisoner,
and brought before the Provost Marshall.
The marshall said " Sergeant, why have you brought this man here?"
"For playing cards in church Sir."
"And what have you to say for yourself Son?"
"Much, Sir," replied the soldier.
The marshall said, " I hope so, for if not,
I shall punish you more than any man was ever punished."

The soldier said, "Sir, I have been on the march for about six days,
I have neither Bible nor prayerbook, but I hope to satisfy you, Sir,
with the purity of my intentions."
And with that, the boy started his story.

"You see sir, when I look at the Ace,
it reminds me that there is but one God,

and the deuce, reminds me that the bible is divided
into two parts, the old and the new testament.
When I see the trey, I think of the Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost.
And when I see the four,I think of the four Evangelists who preached
the Gospel There was Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.

And when I see the five, it reminds me of the five wise virgins
who trimmed their lamps, there were ten of them,
Five were wise and were saved, five were foolish,
and were shut out.
When I see the six, it reminds me that in six days,
God made this great Heaven and Earth.
When I see the seven, it reminds me that on the seventh day,
God rested from His great work.
And when I see the eight, I think of the eight rightous persons
God saved when he destroyed this Earth.
There was Noah, his wife, their three sons, and their wives.
And when I see the nine, I think of the lepers our Saviour cleansed,

and, nine out of the ten, didn't even thank him.
When I see the ten, I think of the ten commandments,
God handed down to Moses on a table of stone.

When I see the king, it reminds me that there is but one King of Heaven,
God Almighty.
And when I see the Queen, I think of the Blessed Virgin Mary,
Who is Queen of Heaven, and the Jack of Knaves is the Devil.

When I count the number of spots in a deck of cards,
I find 365, the number of days in a year.
There are 52 cards, the number of weeks in a year.
There are four suits, the number of weeks in a month.
There are twelve picture cards, the number of months in a year.
There are thirteen tricks, the number of weeks in a quarter.
So, you see Sir, my pack of cards serves me as a Bible,
an Almanac, and a prayerbook.
And Friends, the story is true, I know,
I was that soldier

          In the 1960's, this song was very popular on the radio. I remembering listening to this narration by Johnny Paycheck as the introduction of our favorite AM Radio program " Lundagin Mo Baby" anchored by Johnny De Leon.  At he time when nobody have yet to see a TV set in the barrio, the AM radio was king.

          " Marriage is the only gamble where its either both of you win, or both of you loses."

          " Surely, life is a gamble where one never really loses - its either you win or you learn a lesson."

          " Gambling - a sure way of getting nothing from something."  - David Meltzer

          " Gambling promises the poor what property performs for the rich - something for nothing."
                                                                                                          - George Bernard Shaw

          " There are three roads to ruin - women, gambling, and technicians. The most pleasant is                              women, the quickest is with gambling, and the surest is with technicians. "

          I am no gambling man but I have no qualms for gamblers. I knew a lot of guys whose life was ruined because of compulsive gambling - gambling even their family's future just to get the "feel" that the game of chance brings.  I also know how useless it is to give them advice for only them can cure the itch they feel each time they see a deck of cards, dice or cockfights.  They would tell you how it has ruined their life ... but they keep on, promising themselves that they will quit as soon as they win enough to bring home.