My grandmother had been dead for almost 40 years now but still I could not forget the way she smiled when I asked her how she was, bedridden for two painful years then. She giggled like a sixteen year old girl when she mentioned grandfather or "Lolo" that all she need was for him to hold her hands and somehow the pain went away. I laughed and told her how corny she was since "Lolo's" calloused hands were rougher than the sole of my feet. But she lovingly told me that it was only those calloused hands that has touched her gently and protected her for more than 50 years of marriage. She knew that it would just be a matter of time before she would live us, but still she was thankful for every extra day God allowed her to be with us. She knew that we are pained seeing her suffer but she has had a happy 80 years of life and the "long goodbye" has given her a chance to say her goodbye to all the people she learned to love. She lived in a time when public display of affection was a taboo even with married couple but at least since she got sick she could hold "Lolo's" hands until she fell asleep.
Death was no stranger to them since at their age they have a lot of people they hold dear depart. They were married more than 15 years before the outbreak of World War II when Lolo who worked as a farmhand to her father was only 17 and she was 26. A lot of people were against their marriage for obvious reasons but "Lola" insisted that had they been alive that day, she could proudly say to them that she made the right choice all the way. Lolo have no vice to speak of and he worked hard to build a bountiful farm and a good home. Their far lies in the upland part of Alfonso, Cavite and luckily it was too far for the Japanese occupational forces to venture to and they were spared from the atrocities of war. They were not however spared from the fear of being chanced upon so Lolo has to scavenge for food at night and be always on guard for Japs and bandits alike. It was then she said, that they learned how to live one day at a time, and considered every day as a gift from God.
It took me a lot of years for that lesson to sink in. Things happen for a reason. Destiny maybe, but given 58 years and counting, I guess its about time I share some things I learned while i was wrestling with the realities in life. Lolo came to our barrio with nothing but his clothes on and a bagful of necessities looking for work, hoping for a different way of life away from his 2 brothers who led wayward lives. His only prized possession was the ax and bolo he inherited from his father and after a year of working as farmhand, he got himself a wife and built a future for all of us. My mother was their only child, and all he worked for he willingly bequeathed to of even while both of them were still alive. To Lola, his greatest gift was making time for her, taking care for all her needs, protecting her and sitting by her side until her very end. He even fulfilled his promise that he would not wait long to go where she would go, passing away a month short of one year after her death. I knew all this because I grew up with them and stayed with them until they both departed.
One thing my brothers and sisters never realized was that I was never their favorite, just their favorite errand boy. I guess we can call this one destiny - I have this compulsion ever since I was a child that I only came to realize some years ago. I felt the need to perform an act repetitively. It sounds abnormal but I just feel unable to do anything to change it. I need to keep my hands busy doing something so i could think and free my imagination. As a child, I was the only one who could stand the whole day depoding legumes like peanuts and black beans. Lolo would bring home a sack of rice and I would help Lola the whole day removing the the dirt and small stone bits before we store the rice in our storing cans. Picking corn bits from harvested ears was a picnic and play for me so my grandparents never had any problem assigning me to do those things. I also got more than my fair share of the laundry and cleaning chores at home. For doing things I enjoy doing, they just thought I deserve extra rewards like toys and "pasalubong" each time "Lolo" went to the weekly market.
That compulsion also worked wonders with my parents. I could do laundry the whole day, press a stock pile of clothes on weekends, and get rewarded with extra money so I could play billard later on. I was also my eldest sister favorite errand boy, as well as my uncles and aunts who were bedspacers to my grandparents so I also got extra perks from them. Money-wise, I never ran short during my younger days. It was fun all all the way through college years, and more fun during my working days. But it was also that compulsion that worked against me for I never got to fit in with my line of work. It was a hard sell for the people who were betting on me to become the kind of person I was destined to be. Luckily, I got myself a wife very much like my grandmother. All you have to do was to love her and make time for her and everything else would fall in their proper places. All the fun I had during my younger days were never missed, even got detached from my old friends, relatives and acquaintances, and the only thing I have to figure out each day was how to make the most of it to make it count.
I could never say that my family is an ideal one. Like all all families, we too have had a lot of problems and screw-ups, but i could honestly say it is a happy one. We hit the bottom a lot of times, sometimes to the point that we know not where to get the food we could put on the table, but we never ran out of jokes and stories to share. We however shared the hope that all those things would come to pass and someday when all the kids have work, we could have more of what we want. I also try to make them understand that sometimes things happen not the way we want them too, and that includes parting, so we might as well make each moment allowed us count. As the saying goes - " A seed has to die before a tree could grow. " Besides how could this world survive if death did not took away all those people that had long been dead. Just imagine how Genghis Khan would fare against Adolf Hitler ?
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