" THE GOOD WOLF AND THE BAD WOLF "
There is an old American Indian tale about a boy who had a bad dream about 2 wolves fighting while he was trapped inside a cave. Disturbed, the boy asked the Medicine man what the dream was all about and the old sage told him , " Each one of us has two wolves inside us, the good wolf and the bad wolf. They always fight with each other. " The boy then asked, " But who wins ? " The old sage smiled, tapped the boy on the shoulders and answered, " Its who you feed. "
Each one of us has had this struggle with our conscience, the inner feeling or voice that dictates to us the rightness or the wrongness of our behavior. Our conscience is like a piece of muscle. the more we exercise it, the stronger it becomes. Yielding to temptations may be fun at first, for the interesting part of living usually occur when we lose our way once in a while. But we must get out it while we are still not too deep in it, it hurts a bit but an error only becomes a mistake when we refuse to correct it. Rectifying the bad deed also requires facing the consequences of such actions. Real trouble starts when we try to cover up for the bad deed we did, complicating the matter and usually leading to committing more bad deeds. Some succeeds in hiding the truth but they will forever have to contend with the fear of being discovered coupled with a lot sleepless nights. The bad wolf never rest, we may be able to block it from our mind, but it will always be there lurking and angling to devour us.
Sometimes the choice are not ours to make. We may have our dreams and plans for our future but we do not always get what we wanted even when we pour our heart into it. The only choice we could make then would be to accept what was given to us by fate or be forever be disappointed and allow our pains to eat us away. It is us who make the choice whether we should be happy with what we have and no one else. Our love ones may be able to ease some of our pains but if we do not stop griping, we will cause them pain and push them away. Lee Iaccoca in his autobiography said " Here I am in the twilight of my life, still wondering what life is all about ... I can tell you this, fame and fortune is for the birds. " Such word from a man who made hundreds of million of dollars in the car business and almost made it to the White House only shows that success and happiness do not always go together.
Muhammad Ali wanted to be "the greatest boxer in history" and a lot of boxing afficionados consider him that. It brought him fame and glory, but the world felt sorry for him as he struggled stricken with disabling "parkinson's desease" as he lighted the Olympic torch, He said he found himself nearer to God with the humbling experience, and with his riches gone, maybe that's the only choice he had to make his life bearable as he awaits his date with the Lord. I could somehow dip in the experience, having dwelled in martial arts in my younger days. I could fight and handle guys twice my size in my prime, but now in my advanced age, gout crippled hands and needle piercing pains in the soles of my feet, I could not peel a potato. But I assure anyone, believers and non-believers that even if I could have another shot at life, I would choose the same one I am having. There is nothing more reassuring in life than to know in time of my demise I will be holding the hands of who will surely miss my absence. I may not be able to leave some riches they could enjoy spending but they will surely spend a great deal of memories of the times well spent while we were together.
It is not easy to let down the people who are betting on you. But there are times that you have to take a different path to the one they have taken. Maybe they were right in saying that I was stupid, lacked ambition, and bull-headed, but they were wrong to say that I afraid of hardwork. I have been working hard eversince I was a kid and I never stopped. I just could not take the risk of leaving 5 young kids behind who needed my presence more than anything else. My wife would surely be able to raise them, money earned from working abroad will surely provide them a lot of things they would love having, but the difference a year or a couple of years would make may take more years bridge. Wounds leaves scars, and misunderstandings sometimes causes more misunderstandings. We may not have built a castle during those trying years but together we have laid the foundations of their dreams. I may not have given them much in terms of material things but the shared experiences will make the hurdles in their future life easier to jump over. I may have erred, they may be right in calling me an idiot, but I can assure them that at least I am a "happy idiot."
Friday, May 12, 2017
Friday, May 5, 2017
THE ABC OF HAPPINESS : "B" IS FOR BONDING
" SOMETIMES YOU WILL NEVER KNOW THE VALUE OF
OF A MOMENT UNTIL IT BECOMES A MEMORY. "
A wonderful quotation by Dr. Seuss. That's exactly what growing old is all about - good memories means a good and happy life. Just this week I started watching the TV series "Blue Blood" that starred Tom Selleck. The same kind of cops and robbers, sleuth and murder series, but capped with a heartwarming, sometimes funny scenes of the whole 4 generations of a family who were all in the business of law enforcement. A great grandfather who was once a Police commissioner in the good old days, then a grandfather played by Selleck, also a Police Commissioner in the modern time where everything is captured on television and internet. The only daughter, Erin, a prosecutor for the District Attorney, divorced,with a witty, street smart, teen-age daughter. The eldest son Danny, former marine, survived Iraq, uncompromising and sometimes reckless in his pursuit of criminals. Danny's wife, a nurse in the E.R., and their 2 teen-age sons. Then there's Jaime, the youngest son out of law school, who chose to be beat-cop. Another son, also a cop, whose mysterious death still haunted the family. The Reagan family, all in the same kind of work but with different jobs, always going head-on on how to implement and uphold the law, but always finding a way to patch things up in the end with gentle words of wisdom and understanding usually eked out by the elder Frank.
The weekend dinner in the patriarchal home, the 4 generation all seated in the same table, discussing whatever comes up in the table is every father's dream of a family. But this kind of bonding is only possible if you only put your heart into it while the family is still in its early years. A marriage bonded by true love for each other, and children raised out of that kind of love and not merely out of obligation and carrying a tradition. As Danny put it, our family may always be fighting but anyone who mess with us is in for a fight. The Danny character is actually the most exciting role in the series because of his bull headedness and reckless attitude, never afraid to go up against anyone in his quest for justice. He is the "happy idiot", turning down a job that pays 4 times as much, for a job that put his life in jeopardy but felt its where he can do most good. He is backed by a supportive nurse wife and two sons who are more than willing to follow their father's footstep. He was the cause of worry for his mother that she put up a "cash bond piggy bank" for him in anticipation of posting bail in case he gets a run against the law.
My dream is to be like the Frank character, composed and so full of wisdom that he could patch things up with his kids by referring to his past experience as to be able to impart to them what he wants to do and what he have to do. Bounded by an oath to implement the law as it is deemed fit, he has the burden of keeping his hands off even when his own family runs into conflict with the law he promised to uphold. As a father I also have the problem of keeping the kids to find their own calling and keep them safe at the same time. Hard it is to strengthen the bond if you keep them on leash, but like a good parent - you must walk side by side with them until they go separate ways. My wife and I are outnumbered 2 to 5, so getting a law passed at home always encounter some tough opposition. Two boys who seem to want to do just about everything posed the real challenge. But as the saying goes - " No matter what you try to do with your sons, they will always try to be like their father. " I just hope they would learn from my mistakes.
3 girls, the forever babies. Its real hard to figure out which one love you the most, but surely in terms of happiness, they bring in so much in my life. Sad fact is you have to let them go sometime in your life so I have to keep loving the woman I chose to be their mother. Meeting old friends is something I no longer do for I have been so far behind them that I couldn't find a story I could relate to them. Being on the same plane as we started on, its quite difficult to connect to them as they enjoy the luxuries I could only dream on for the moment. Most of them have found their fortunes working overseas and now have nice homes, cars, properties and "perks" of being in the big league. Me, I couldn't even have my tooth fixed. One consolation I have, if you can call it that, is I do not have the kind of problems they have. Years of being away from the family have caused them some problems that are hard to mend. Some succeeded in patching things up but some chose the easier way out - that of seeking consolation outside of their real home. I am not happy of hearing those stories. I have led a very different like from the one they treaded on, and there is very little I could do right now when I am still in the midst of things. It saddened me a bit but there are things that you have to learn to live with.
Maybe this is one thing passed on to me by my grandfather. Love your partner, love your family, do what you love, and things have ways of falling into their proper places. He cannot read a word but he has learned to read other people's faces and a sincere smile meant more to him than an A+. He cannot write but he was able to carve in my heart what it meant to care for his love ones. He never had the benefit of education but he managed to teach me how to live a full life. My grandmother, she was simply there for him, in everything he was a part of. She in return was life to him that after her death, he too stopped living. He left a year later not showing any sign that he would leaving for good, assuring my mom that he wouldn't stand in the way if she has other plans. I thought his death was the last of him, but the bond we shared came back to me when things got rough and I have to keep my own family from being torn apart. Its not that I don't feel much about my parents, I do but I spent more time with my grandparents so I have more memories of them.
Maybe the right way to spell love and bonding is : T I M E .
OF A MOMENT UNTIL IT BECOMES A MEMORY. "
A wonderful quotation by Dr. Seuss. That's exactly what growing old is all about - good memories means a good and happy life. Just this week I started watching the TV series "Blue Blood" that starred Tom Selleck. The same kind of cops and robbers, sleuth and murder series, but capped with a heartwarming, sometimes funny scenes of the whole 4 generations of a family who were all in the business of law enforcement. A great grandfather who was once a Police commissioner in the good old days, then a grandfather played by Selleck, also a Police Commissioner in the modern time where everything is captured on television and internet. The only daughter, Erin, a prosecutor for the District Attorney, divorced,with a witty, street smart, teen-age daughter. The eldest son Danny, former marine, survived Iraq, uncompromising and sometimes reckless in his pursuit of criminals. Danny's wife, a nurse in the E.R., and their 2 teen-age sons. Then there's Jaime, the youngest son out of law school, who chose to be beat-cop. Another son, also a cop, whose mysterious death still haunted the family. The Reagan family, all in the same kind of work but with different jobs, always going head-on on how to implement and uphold the law, but always finding a way to patch things up in the end with gentle words of wisdom and understanding usually eked out by the elder Frank.
The weekend dinner in the patriarchal home, the 4 generation all seated in the same table, discussing whatever comes up in the table is every father's dream of a family. But this kind of bonding is only possible if you only put your heart into it while the family is still in its early years. A marriage bonded by true love for each other, and children raised out of that kind of love and not merely out of obligation and carrying a tradition. As Danny put it, our family may always be fighting but anyone who mess with us is in for a fight. The Danny character is actually the most exciting role in the series because of his bull headedness and reckless attitude, never afraid to go up against anyone in his quest for justice. He is the "happy idiot", turning down a job that pays 4 times as much, for a job that put his life in jeopardy but felt its where he can do most good. He is backed by a supportive nurse wife and two sons who are more than willing to follow their father's footstep. He was the cause of worry for his mother that she put up a "cash bond piggy bank" for him in anticipation of posting bail in case he gets a run against the law.
My dream is to be like the Frank character, composed and so full of wisdom that he could patch things up with his kids by referring to his past experience as to be able to impart to them what he wants to do and what he have to do. Bounded by an oath to implement the law as it is deemed fit, he has the burden of keeping his hands off even when his own family runs into conflict with the law he promised to uphold. As a father I also have the problem of keeping the kids to find their own calling and keep them safe at the same time. Hard it is to strengthen the bond if you keep them on leash, but like a good parent - you must walk side by side with them until they go separate ways. My wife and I are outnumbered 2 to 5, so getting a law passed at home always encounter some tough opposition. Two boys who seem to want to do just about everything posed the real challenge. But as the saying goes - " No matter what you try to do with your sons, they will always try to be like their father. " I just hope they would learn from my mistakes.
3 girls, the forever babies. Its real hard to figure out which one love you the most, but surely in terms of happiness, they bring in so much in my life. Sad fact is you have to let them go sometime in your life so I have to keep loving the woman I chose to be their mother. Meeting old friends is something I no longer do for I have been so far behind them that I couldn't find a story I could relate to them. Being on the same plane as we started on, its quite difficult to connect to them as they enjoy the luxuries I could only dream on for the moment. Most of them have found their fortunes working overseas and now have nice homes, cars, properties and "perks" of being in the big league. Me, I couldn't even have my tooth fixed. One consolation I have, if you can call it that, is I do not have the kind of problems they have. Years of being away from the family have caused them some problems that are hard to mend. Some succeeded in patching things up but some chose the easier way out - that of seeking consolation outside of their real home. I am not happy of hearing those stories. I have led a very different like from the one they treaded on, and there is very little I could do right now when I am still in the midst of things. It saddened me a bit but there are things that you have to learn to live with.
Maybe this is one thing passed on to me by my grandfather. Love your partner, love your family, do what you love, and things have ways of falling into their proper places. He cannot read a word but he has learned to read other people's faces and a sincere smile meant more to him than an A+. He cannot write but he was able to carve in my heart what it meant to care for his love ones. He never had the benefit of education but he managed to teach me how to live a full life. My grandmother, she was simply there for him, in everything he was a part of. She in return was life to him that after her death, he too stopped living. He left a year later not showing any sign that he would leaving for good, assuring my mom that he wouldn't stand in the way if she has other plans. I thought his death was the last of him, but the bond we shared came back to me when things got rough and I have to keep my own family from being torn apart. Its not that I don't feel much about my parents, I do but I spent more time with my grandparents so I have more memories of them.
Maybe the right way to spell love and bonding is : T I M E .
Monday, May 1, 2017
THE ABC OF HAPPINESS : A IS FOR "AMORE"
" Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. No, this trick won't work. How on earth in terms of physics and chemistry could you explain so important a biological phenomenon called first love ? Put your hand in a stove and it seems like an hour. Sit beside that special girl for an hour and it seems like a minute. That's relativity ! "
"If one day you are made to choose between the world and love, remember this : if you choose the world you'll be left without love, but if you choose love, with it you will conquer the world."
" How strange is the lot of us mortals ! Each of us is here for a brief sojourn ; for what purpose we know not, though sometimes we sense it. But we know from our daily life that we exist for other people first of all, for whose smile and well-being our own happiness depends. For happiness is like a kiss, you must share it to enjoy it ! "
These are the words of Albert Einstein, the TIME magazine's person of the 20th century. For a man who is known for his scientific breakthroughs, its worth knowing that he too fell prey to the intricacies of falling in love. Being in love, that's a given, its staying in love that poses a real challenge. I go for Einstein quote again - "If you cannot explain it simply, then you don't understand it well enough." Even Forrest Gump, stupid as he was, knew what love is. We all know what love is, we just try too hard to be original, doing things our own way, when the real trick is letting love sweep us to wherever it want to take us - that's why its called "falling in love."
" When the world starts to shine like you have too much wine, that's Amore. I guess everyone, at least once in their lifetime, had experienced the drunken feeling of being in love. That's a given, the real challenge is how to stay in love, keep the fire burning, and live happily ever after. One thing I learned from my grandfather was how to keep his woman at a safe distance but make her feel that everything he's doing was for her. My grandmother in return allowed him space to do his thing but made him feel that he can't live without her. It was simple, he treated her like a queen and in return, he gets treated like a king. Their home was their castle and everyone they come in touch with, they try to do good. There was no TV and gadgets during their time and grandma's connection to the other world was only through a window from their apartment unit where she while away her hours waiting for my grandfather to come home. Indeed, their lives were so intertwined that after she died, he followed her to the grave 11 months later.
Grandma was bedridden for about years and pain engulfed her.. Every night I hear her cries of pain. I tried to be of comfort but my grandfather would tell me - " You are no doctor, so just try to get some sleep. If ever we need to send you on errands, I will just wake you up. " And all night long I can see him keep vigil by her side, holding her hands, offering some comfort knowing that she will soon depart. He took her death calmly and as days passed spent most of his time sitting by the window where my grandmother used to spend her time with. He tried to put up a happy face each time my mother drop by to attend to his needs and I remember him telling Mom that he would never stand in her way if she was to follow my eldest sister to Canada. Then one day, without a sign of being sick, he died of cardiac arrest. Strange as it may seem, his face was marked by a smile in his casket. As the undertaker remarked, he must have had a pleasant death for he said it was impossible to put a smile on a dead man's face once you're making him up. It took me years to understand what love had done to their lives. It was not as as romantic as " The Notebook" for my grandfather could not read nor write, yet I always enjoyed reliving the times I was with them.
Now I guess I am living the same kind of life, maybe even better. They have only my mother who married at the age of thirteen. I have 5 kids, all in their 20's and we are still enjoying their presence. Life may not be as simple as my grandparents' life back then but one thing I was able to do at home better than most, the kids may have their cellphones and PC at home, we still prefer the old ways sharing stories and corny jokes. My wife is no longer as pretty as she was 30 years and 50 pounds ago, but she still have me under her spell. And here I am, still writing our love story. Well, that's Amore !
Grandma was bedridden for about years and pain engulfed her.. Every night I hear her cries of pain. I tried to be of comfort but my grandfather would tell me - " You are no doctor, so just try to get some sleep. If ever we need to send you on errands, I will just wake you up. " And all night long I can see him keep vigil by her side, holding her hands, offering some comfort knowing that she will soon depart. He took her death calmly and as days passed spent most of his time sitting by the window where my grandmother used to spend her time with. He tried to put up a happy face each time my mother drop by to attend to his needs and I remember him telling Mom that he would never stand in her way if she was to follow my eldest sister to Canada. Then one day, without a sign of being sick, he died of cardiac arrest. Strange as it may seem, his face was marked by a smile in his casket. As the undertaker remarked, he must have had a pleasant death for he said it was impossible to put a smile on a dead man's face once you're making him up. It took me years to understand what love had done to their lives. It was not as as romantic as " The Notebook" for my grandfather could not read nor write, yet I always enjoyed reliving the times I was with them.
Now I guess I am living the same kind of life, maybe even better. They have only my mother who married at the age of thirteen. I have 5 kids, all in their 20's and we are still enjoying their presence. Life may not be as simple as my grandparents' life back then but one thing I was able to do at home better than most, the kids may have their cellphones and PC at home, we still prefer the old ways sharing stories and corny jokes. My wife is no longer as pretty as she was 30 years and 50 pounds ago, but she still have me under her spell. And here I am, still writing our love story. Well, that's Amore !
THE ABC OF HAPPINESS - "THE HAPPY IDIOT"
SCENE FROM "BLUE BLOOD SERIES - Season 6 " :
The usual Regan family dinner, Danny mentioned that he was being offered a job 4 times his present salary. He was actually baiting for opinions and grandfather Regan was first to break the ice, asked Danny if he is considering the offer. Danny answered that only an idiot would turn down such offer. His grandfather knowing how dedicated he was to his job as a detective remarked, " Then, be an idiot, a happy idiot ! " Danny smiled, and the rest of the family nodded in approval settling the issue.
About 20 years ago, I too had the kind of opportunity. My friends were landing jobs in the Middle East an I was not too far behind having the same kind of experience and qualifications they have. The only difference was they were single and I was married with 5 kids, the eldest of which was barely 8 years old. It would mean leaving my family behind for at least 2 years. I trust my wife but my kids were in their early years that I can't imagine how things would be if I'm out of the picture. Life was a real trial during those years having lost everything we've worked for, and having very little to keep our heads above water, it was time for us to join hands in facing all the hardships that befell us. Since we could not get ourselves out of the water, we learned how to swim in it and enjoyed whatever came our way as we wait for the tides to turn in our favor. Money would have been a good solution to most of the problems we've had, but very little could be done to solve the "real" problems when you are out of the scene.
Some people close to me thought of me as a fool for letting those opportunities passed. It was a hard climb sending 5 kids through school, especially the college years. But in another year, I would be able to say that being a "happy idiot" was not too bad after all. The hardships, the pains, the trials, we had through all those years have opened my mind to different kind of understanding. I may not be like the shining star like the "Karate Kid" but I have played the role of "Miyagi" in them. Like a good father and a good teacher, I walked side by side with my kids until we go separate ways. Along the way, I lost all my friends unable to keep pace with them. Unfounded stories have alienated me from my siblings but maybe I could still catch up with them once we have improved our lot.
58 years and counting, it was a good run. Despite the hurdles, smiles and laughter never faded. I may be racing down the last stage bothered by gout-stricken hands and pricking-needle pains in my feet. The fading vision, failing memories, and missing teeth, all add up to inconveniences in handling my daily tasks but never dulls the desire to learn more. I guess I have found somewhere that little den of inner peace ...my own brand of happiness.
The usual Regan family dinner, Danny mentioned that he was being offered a job 4 times his present salary. He was actually baiting for opinions and grandfather Regan was first to break the ice, asked Danny if he is considering the offer. Danny answered that only an idiot would turn down such offer. His grandfather knowing how dedicated he was to his job as a detective remarked, " Then, be an idiot, a happy idiot ! " Danny smiled, and the rest of the family nodded in approval settling the issue.
About 20 years ago, I too had the kind of opportunity. My friends were landing jobs in the Middle East an I was not too far behind having the same kind of experience and qualifications they have. The only difference was they were single and I was married with 5 kids, the eldest of which was barely 8 years old. It would mean leaving my family behind for at least 2 years. I trust my wife but my kids were in their early years that I can't imagine how things would be if I'm out of the picture. Life was a real trial during those years having lost everything we've worked for, and having very little to keep our heads above water, it was time for us to join hands in facing all the hardships that befell us. Since we could not get ourselves out of the water, we learned how to swim in it and enjoyed whatever came our way as we wait for the tides to turn in our favor. Money would have been a good solution to most of the problems we've had, but very little could be done to solve the "real" problems when you are out of the scene.
Some people close to me thought of me as a fool for letting those opportunities passed. It was a hard climb sending 5 kids through school, especially the college years. But in another year, I would be able to say that being a "happy idiot" was not too bad after all. The hardships, the pains, the trials, we had through all those years have opened my mind to different kind of understanding. I may not be like the shining star like the "Karate Kid" but I have played the role of "Miyagi" in them. Like a good father and a good teacher, I walked side by side with my kids until we go separate ways. Along the way, I lost all my friends unable to keep pace with them. Unfounded stories have alienated me from my siblings but maybe I could still catch up with them once we have improved our lot.
58 years and counting, it was a good run. Despite the hurdles, smiles and laughter never faded. I may be racing down the last stage bothered by gout-stricken hands and pricking-needle pains in my feet. The fading vision, failing memories, and missing teeth, all add up to inconveniences in handling my daily tasks but never dulls the desire to learn more. I guess I have found somewhere that little den of inner peace ...my own brand of happiness.
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