" SOMETIMES YOU WILL NEVER KNOW THE VALUE OF
OF A MOMENT UNTIL IT BECOMES A MEMORY. "
A wonderful quotation by Dr. Seuss. That's exactly what growing old is all about - good memories means a good and happy life. Just this week I started watching the TV series "Blue Blood" that starred Tom Selleck. The same kind of cops and robbers, sleuth and murder series, but capped with a heartwarming, sometimes funny scenes of the whole 4 generations of a family who were all in the business of law enforcement. A great grandfather who was once a Police commissioner in the good old days, then a grandfather played by Selleck, also a Police Commissioner in the modern time where everything is captured on television and internet. The only daughter, Erin, a prosecutor for the District Attorney, divorced,with a witty, street smart, teen-age daughter. The eldest son Danny, former marine, survived Iraq, uncompromising and sometimes reckless in his pursuit of criminals. Danny's wife, a nurse in the E.R., and their 2 teen-age sons. Then there's Jaime, the youngest son out of law school, who chose to be beat-cop. Another son, also a cop, whose mysterious death still haunted the family. The Reagan family, all in the same kind of work but with different jobs, always going head-on on how to implement and uphold the law, but always finding a way to patch things up in the end with gentle words of wisdom and understanding usually eked out by the elder Frank.
The weekend dinner in the patriarchal home, the 4 generation all seated in the same table, discussing whatever comes up in the table is every father's dream of a family. But this kind of bonding is only possible if you only put your heart into it while the family is still in its early years. A marriage bonded by true love for each other, and children raised out of that kind of love and not merely out of obligation and carrying a tradition. As Danny put it, our family may always be fighting but anyone who mess with us is in for a fight. The Danny character is actually the most exciting role in the series because of his bull headedness and reckless attitude, never afraid to go up against anyone in his quest for justice. He is the "happy idiot", turning down a job that pays 4 times as much, for a job that put his life in jeopardy but felt its where he can do most good. He is backed by a supportive nurse wife and two sons who are more than willing to follow their father's footstep. He was the cause of worry for his mother that she put up a "cash bond piggy bank" for him in anticipation of posting bail in case he gets a run against the law.
My dream is to be like the Frank character, composed and so full of wisdom that he could patch things up with his kids by referring to his past experience as to be able to impart to them what he wants to do and what he have to do. Bounded by an oath to implement the law as it is deemed fit, he has the burden of keeping his hands off even when his own family runs into conflict with the law he promised to uphold. As a father I also have the problem of keeping the kids to find their own calling and keep them safe at the same time. Hard it is to strengthen the bond if you keep them on leash, but like a good parent - you must walk side by side with them until they go separate ways. My wife and I are outnumbered 2 to 5, so getting a law passed at home always encounter some tough opposition. Two boys who seem to want to do just about everything posed the real challenge. But as the saying goes - " No matter what you try to do with your sons, they will always try to be like their father. " I just hope they would learn from my mistakes.
3 girls, the forever babies. Its real hard to figure out which one love you the most, but surely in terms of happiness, they bring in so much in my life. Sad fact is you have to let them go sometime in your life so I have to keep loving the woman I chose to be their mother. Meeting old friends is something I no longer do for I have been so far behind them that I couldn't find a story I could relate to them. Being on the same plane as we started on, its quite difficult to connect to them as they enjoy the luxuries I could only dream on for the moment. Most of them have found their fortunes working overseas and now have nice homes, cars, properties and "perks" of being in the big league. Me, I couldn't even have my tooth fixed. One consolation I have, if you can call it that, is I do not have the kind of problems they have. Years of being away from the family have caused them some problems that are hard to mend. Some succeeded in patching things up but some chose the easier way out - that of seeking consolation outside of their real home. I am not happy of hearing those stories. I have led a very different like from the one they treaded on, and there is very little I could do right now when I am still in the midst of things. It saddened me a bit but there are things that you have to learn to live with.
Maybe this is one thing passed on to me by my grandfather. Love your partner, love your family, do what you love, and things have ways of falling into their proper places. He cannot read a word but he has learned to read other people's faces and a sincere smile meant more to him than an A+. He cannot write but he was able to carve in my heart what it meant to care for his love ones. He never had the benefit of education but he managed to teach me how to live a full life. My grandmother, she was simply there for him, in everything he was a part of. She in return was life to him that after her death, he too stopped living. He left a year later not showing any sign that he would leaving for good, assuring my mom that he wouldn't stand in the way if she has other plans. I thought his death was the last of him, but the bond we shared came back to me when things got rough and I have to keep my own family from being torn apart. Its not that I don't feel much about my parents, I do but I spent more time with my grandparents so I have more memories of them.
Maybe the right way to spell love and bonding is : T I M E .
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